A little bit stronger..

So AF arrived today. On to our 13 month trying. I realized something today when AF showed her face.

I know my heart will never be the same, but I'm tellin' myself I'll be okay.

Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.

It's depressing. It's a let down. And as the months go on I start to lose hope. I was a few days late this month and normally I would've POAS every hour, but instead I POAS, got a negative result, and moved on. I just waited for AF to arrive, with no hope left that maybe I would get a positive result with another test. Right now I would be breaking down, crying, wondering WHY everyone else is getting pregnant, but I'm not. Instead I'm just getting stronger. I'm not breaking down. I'm just separating myself from those around me that are pregnant. Maybe it seems fucked up, but sometimes it's just easier to space myself from those people, then try to force myself to be happy for them. Now don't get me wrong, I know a few people that are pregnant right now and I'm very happy for them, but it still hurts. I'm 23 years old... I SHOULDN'T be infertile! I should be Miss Fertile Myrtle popping out kids left and right. But I'm not. And I guess the fact that after 13 months I am still trying, means I am strong... and I keep getting stronger.