Just a little rant

I know the whole "morning sickness" (which is sometimes ALL DAY sickness) isn't all fun and joyful, but being pregnant is. I can't help that I am SURROUNDED by pregnant people right now, but I am getting REALLY REALLY REALLY tired of listening to every pregnant person complain! I swear everything that comes out of these peoples mouth is negative. I'm just sick of it! If you're sooooo fucking sick, get off facebook and stop telling everyone about it. Maybe I am being to harsh, but I'm just sick of listening to everyone complain. I sign onto my TTC message board and everyone there that has successfully gotten pregnant aren't complaining, they are trying to get through the morning sickness, no complaining involved, and just thanking God they are pregnant! Why can't everyone be like that?

Apparently too many people get pregnant to easily and take for granted what other people struggle for. And yup, after 1 year of trying I'm just getting sick of every pregnant person. I'm just tired of trying for something that some people just get.

It's hard enough on me that we've tried for so long with no success, but when I hear my DH start to get discouraged it really makes it all sink in. The other day he asked me when he should go have a semen analysis done. Most guys dread having to get that done, mine is offering too.

As if talking about having a SA isn't enough to make you feel broken, he started talking about other methods. Yup. IUI and IVF treatments. I thought he would scratch that idea when I told him the price, instead he said the price is no obstacle. I'm trying to decide if I should call my OBGYN's office and have him up my dose of clomid, or just leave it be. I think if this next cycle (which should be starting in a few days) is a bust, I'm gonna make an appt for DH & I to meet with my OBGYN and start talking about IUI. Maybe do our first IUI treatment in Sept.. if we're successful we'll have an EDD for June. Which is ideal to me... I want a June baby :)

Well that's all...

Hitting the year mark

Well AF is due today. (What a great way to celebrate 4th of July, right?) It's closing in on 9 pm and she still hasn't shown her face, nor has all the cramps, backache, and other 'joyful' gifts she brings made their presence. Of course I'm sure when reading this your first reaction is...

PEE ON A STICK!!! COME ON!! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!

So just hold your horses and let me finish.

DH has been asking for the last few days if I'm pregnant. Apparently I've been having lots of cravings (which is natural to me), acting more moody (again, totally natural), and just different. So after waiting for AF or any sign of her and not getting anything, I gave in. We were at walmart and we picked up some FRER's. I was impressed that he was all into it, this was the first time he's bought them with me, and when he thought they were in a locked shelf he even asked the sales associate. (I always try to buy them nonchalantly and head straight for the self checkout). Anyways.. we get home and he tells me to go POAS. I have to remind him I don't pee on command, and he'd have to wait until I have to pee.

Do I sound very enthusiastic about POAS? No? That's cause I'm not. I've peed on about 50 billion pregnancy tests in the last year, all have been BFN's (and some have had evap lines), I feel like every flippin test I take is going to be negative. I've felt nauseated, bloated, sore boobs, and every other pregnancy symptom you can think of, but it's always just a false alarm. This cycle was no different. I believe that it will eventually happen, we will get pregnant, but I can't help but feel like it's never going to happen. Does that make sense?

So I'm upstairs doing my thing when I got the urge to pee. Went in the bathroom and POAS. Thank you FRER for changing your tests so there are two ghost lines when the pee runs across, and then wala- like every pee stick in the past, only 1 line appears. Yup. NOT PREGNANT.

I threw my pity party, soaked in a hot bath, cried a little, and now I'm here, blogging about it. On to another month. On to the 1 year mark. This is the 1 year mark you DON'T want to make it to... but I did. I just hope I don't make it to the 2 year mark...