Clomid: Day 2-4

Luckily day 2 didn't bring many side effects! I had a little bit of nausea, nothing to bad. I also had weird little twinges in my abdominal area. Oh, and hot flashes. Yup. HOT flashes! I took the pills pretty late at night so I was only up for an hour or two after taking them. Maybe that's why the side effects were minimal that night!

Day 3 was thee worst! I had HORRIBLE hot flashes! The fan was on high- the AC was set at 65˚F and I was still hot. I felt like my mom! LOL. I also had a really yucky stomach. Felt like I had the runs, but didn't. Felt like I was going to puke, but I didn't. I started getting a headache as well. It all around was a crappy night! My upset stomach made me want to curl up into a ball and go to sleep, but my constant hot flashes made me want to spread out and cool down!

Thank God Day 4 was no where as bad as day 3! LOL. Again, I took the pill late in the evening about 1-2 hours before I went to sleep. I started to feel a little bit nauseated before I went to sleep, but I quickly went to bed and woke up feeling fine! I didn't have any other side effects.. no hot flashes- THANK GOD! LoL.

Clomid: Day 1

Yesterday was the first dose of this round of clomid. I even took some silly pictures to commemorate the moment. [See attached photos]

I took the pills in the evening with dinner. I've heard the side effects can be nausea, headache,

vomiting, depression, etc.. so I decided it would be best to take them in the evening to try to avoid those symptoms all day.

I am sureeeee glad I decided to take them at night! About an hour or so after taking the pills I started to feel nauseated. I hate that feeling, although I tend to get waves of feeling nauseated quite often so it's not THAT big a deal. (I sure hope I feel that way when/if I have morning

sickness when I'm pregnant. *Notice I said WHEN-- not IF-- I am pregnant. I am trying to stay positive*) I also got really sleepy, but at the same time I was to restless to go to bed. (Not to mention child #1 would not go to bed until 2:30 AM!!) The other symptom I experienced was depression.

Ugh.

Depression.

If there is one emotion I HATE feeling, it's depression! I wouldn't say I am a depressed person and need to prescribed "happy pills" (even though my Dr in Virginia DX me with depression (as an explanation for my weight loss) back in the beginning of 2008 and prescribed me Paxil, which my Dr's here in CA kept refilling, until my new Dr. said "no more!" after seeing we are TTC. Apparently Paxil is linked to lots of birth defects- thank you to my Dr's that knew I was TTC last year and kept prescribing it to me! :))

Anyhow- back to depression.

It's a horrible emotion. It takes over you and you don't feel like yourself. I hate it. I hate having an enormous urge to bawl my eyes out, yet I have no idea why! I hate hate hate it.

But that is how the clomid affected me. Nauseated, sleepy yet restless, and depressed. And guess what? That was only day ONE out of FIVE!

Clomid & Metformin = My drugs of "choice"

Accepting my fertility drugs like it's an award.

And so it begins..

Today is CD 5 of my 10th cycle (11 months of trying). I officially start Clomid today. I really hope Clomid gives us that push we need. Guess we will find out in about 4 weeks! I am kind of nervous. Nervous that it wont work and I'll be left with no other option but IUI or IVF.. both of which require lots of $$ and from what I've heard they require A LOT of work, send you on an even bigger emotional rollercoaster, and the success rate isn't even THAT high. Ugh. I just hope it works. I understand it may take a few cycles for Clomid to really help.. which is okay with me.. as long as it works in the next few months. I would really like a summerish baby (May-Sept)! And those are the months we're coming up on. EDD is March for this current cycle.

Aside from Clomid. On June 5th it was the 1 year mark since having my IUD removed. Whoa. I definitely thought I would be pregnant by then. In fact, I was hoping I would be giving birth to baby #2 this month. I thought for sure I would be having a 2010 baby... but I guess 2011 is a good year also.

This needs to be said

I've been wanting to post this blog for awhile, I just haven't gotten around to it. Today is the day though.

TTC is an emotionally draining process. If you haven't walked in these shoes, you wouldn't understand. I never did. I never thought about how a person must feel each time they weren't successful. I didn't think of how a person hurt each time they watched someone else announce their pregnancy, photograph their baby belly, or deliver a beautiful little baby. I honestly didn't put any thought into it. But now I am walking in those shoes, living that life. And I think about those things all the time. Except this time, I'm the one feeling the pain, feeling the hurt, and living that life. I don't expect most of my friends to understand.. because most of my friends haven't gone through this. And that's okay. I don't hate any of my friends because they conceived quickly. I don't hate my friends because they don't understand. But I do hate when my friends judge.

If you think I am being to emotional over this process.. please keep it to yourself. You obviously haven't walked in these shoes. If you think I need to just relax, just remember some things are easier said then done. If someone dangled $1,000,000 in front of you and said "just relax-- I'll give it to you eventually" would you be able to "just relax"? And most importantly.. if you think my blog posts are too graphic, or I should refrain from saying certain things, please stop reading my blog.

This blog is NOT here for YOUR entertainment. I've created this blog for ME. So I can look back and see my struggles. So I can appreciate how hard I struggled to achieve pregnancy. So I can look back and remember everything I went through. I created this blog for ME. I am giving YOU the privilege of reading it. The things I say on here are not for you to go around sharing with people. Please don't share the link with other people. Please don't discuss my life with someone other then me. I opened up to a few select people, I don't want anyone else to know. And to be honest, there are days I wish I didn't open up to anyone.

1st full month with Metformin

Well this past month was my first full month (almost full cycle) on Metformin. The outcome? BFN. The cycle is not yet over.. AF should be arriving in 2 days.. but I expect her to show. Kind of disappointing, but I should be used to it by now. We have been at this almost a complete year, and I am starting to lose hope. I know it sounds silly to those on the outside looking in, but sometimes I just think it will never happen. Once AF arrives I am officially on my 11th cycle. I will be starting clomid and hopefully be successful. EDD will be towards the beginning of March, which honestly doesn't thrill me. I don't want baby #2 to be born to close to my DS's birthday. I don't want to take away from his birthday, or have to plan double birthday parties each year. But then again, beggers can't be choosers. I'll take what I can get.

Because I am confident that this cycle is a bust.. I will just say it now. Goodbye cycle #10.... Helloooooo cycle #11!