passing tests

Why is it that I pass all my (school) tests with flying colors... but when it comes to a pregnancy TEST I can't seem to f*$@(#^! pass one?!

UGH. Seeing BFN's is getting OLD. Real old.

VIP

I am changing the settings on this blog and making it by invite only. I just have an itch the wrong people are reading my journal and mixing my words and feelings around. So please email me your address (if you want to keep following) so I can send you an invite to my blog.

Thanks!!

-TTC #2

New cycle : New Medication

With AF's arrival the other day, I decided to try a few new things.

1) I upped my metformin (dr's order).

2) I started taking B6 (helps lengthen the luteal phase)

3) Since my insurance doesn't want to cover my higher dose of clomid, I decided to try Soy isoflavones. It works just like clomid, except it's natural... and much cheaper. ($6 @ walmart)

I was debating on buying another basal body thermometer and taking my temp ever

y morning to watch for 'O'.. but I really don't want to make this any more of a science project then it already is. So I'm just going to stick with my OPKs (and my instinct).

I am really hoping this cycle is THE cycle... because 1) I would get a + pg test in Oct-- and could tell our parents on our camping trip for DH's bday. and 2) My EDD would be 6/12/11 (I want a june or july baby... and 6/12 is my parents wedding anniversary!) :)

So please double up on your baby dust and send it this way! Thanks

Dr's Appointment Update

So most of my readers have emailed/texted me asking for a follow up on how my appt went. To be completely honest, I really haven't wanted to talk (let alone THINK) about TTC this past week. AF arrived a few days ago and it just was a big let down. I feel like I'm stuck in the mud and nothing is helping to get me out.

As far as my appt went. Nothing really happened. Which I suppose is why I bawled my eyes out after leaving the dr's office. I cried all the way home, yelled, screamed, and continued to ask "why?". I don't get why I have to be infertile. Am I a terrible mother and shouldn't be allowed to have another one? Because that's how it feels. And it REALLY feels that way when people say "God will bless you with another one soon"... or anything to do with God. I mean, I believe in God, and I don't want to push the blame on him, but after TTC for 13+ months with NO SUCCESS I would have to say your faith in God is on the edge. Sometimes all I can do is yell and scream at him and ask WHY ME.

Why Me?

Why do irresponsible teens get knocked up all the time? Why do rape victims get pregnant? Why do horrible mothers get pregnant? Why do druggies get pregnant? Why do people that have repeated abortions get pregnant? why why why? And all the questions make me believe that God isn't the one to "bless you" with a baby. It's all just science. God just sits back and watches the show.

If God were the one who "blessed" people with babies... all these terrible mothers would not have babies... and all us amazing mothers WOULD be blessed. If I don't think of it as a science, and I do sit and say "God blesses people" then I just feel like a shitty mother. So, I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but creating a baby is science. Science. And I suck at science!

Oh, here I go again. Rambling off and straying far from the subject.

Dr's Appt Update:

Upped my meds. Yup, that's all.

Metformin is no longer 1 pill a day, it's now 2 pills a day.

Clomid was upped to the highest you can go.

No talk of IUI.. try the above mentioned stuff for 3 months then return if no success.

Problem is, my insurance doesn't want to cover my clomid anymore. Not sure why, and really I haven't felt like finding out. I'm burnt out. I really don't know how some people can TTC for years. I'm barely holding on at 14 months!

So there you have it... my update on a worthless dr's appt. Hopefully I won't have to go back for another one. If I do, I am debating on switching OB's to a more proactive one. I want someone who is going to want to put all my options out there... not just load me down with meds! But we shall see...